I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
