you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
