Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
