You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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