i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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