using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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