i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
