somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
