3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You dont lie about slip and slides
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
