He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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