i love accidental penises.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
smell my finger.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
