you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
