I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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