i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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