hotel room ftw
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
