Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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