what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Screwed.edu
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
