Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
