he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
