Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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