Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
