honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
