best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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