I can text with my tongue
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
