Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
