Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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