Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
