Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
