you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
