I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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