Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize