I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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