someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
