dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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