My nipple is on Facebook.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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