i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
