she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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