You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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