god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
only you would photoshop your dick
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
