On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
