he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
