The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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