Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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