Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It was confusing and full of hummus
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
