problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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