i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
