I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
