That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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