So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
