i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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