Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
