Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
