if only i could text you this smell
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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