My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
