i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
