drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
