SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
