fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
