I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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