I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
