The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
