franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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