Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
