Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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