I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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