we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
