Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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