Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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