THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
