Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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