Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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