Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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