Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
