According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Shame - the story of my life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
