You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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