so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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