I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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