The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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