I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
