Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
