You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Drunk is not a location!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
