My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
