she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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