Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
