I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize