You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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