I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
