Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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