Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
