How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
