If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I stole a fireplace last night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
