Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
