You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
