I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
