I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
