Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
