i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
