She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
