good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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